I’ve never felt so unsure of myself.
I know everything will be ok, and I want everything to be ok. But right now it just sucks. We were together for almost two years, and you’re completely over me already. It would be different if you broke up with me but still had a tiny bit of feelings left, but no there’s absolutely nothing. My importance level to you went from sky high to ground level in like literally two seconds.
I hate how much time I spent with you. I hate how lonely I feel. I can’t even go shopping without thinking, “will he like this shirt on me?” or “I wonder if he’ll think this dress will look good on me.” You were more than a boyfriend to me…you were like one of my best friends. I told you everything and I counted on you. But you just decided to walk out of my life unexpectedly.
But on top of all of that, I hate how I keep thinking about you. Everytime my mind wanders I think about you and how much I don’t mean to you anymore. It hurts so much. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs because I feel like there’s nothing I can do. The worst part of it is when I have scenarios in my head of when you’ll realize that you need me and you’ll beg me to take you back. But I know that’s never going to happen, yet a little part of me is still hoping.
All I want is to be happy. I don’t want to be hurt, heartbroken, or regretful anymore. I want to forget about you and everything about you. Yes, you were very important to me, but that was the past and you don’t even care about me anymore. So why should I even think about you anymore? I deserve so much better and I deserve someone who will make me feel like I’m important to them because I truly am important to them. I deserve someone who truly cares for me. I deserve someone who’s a fighter, not a quitter. I deserve someone who will encourage me and make me better, not someone I have to babysit all the time. I deserve so much better than you. There’s nothing wrong with me, you’re just stupid enough to not know what you’re missing out on.
I just want to move on. I WILL move on. This is all just a phase and it will pass.
Intuition. Aspiration. Inspiration.: Dear Future Love of My Life,
Wow, two years ago, so many things have happened. He’s out there. I just haven’t met him YET.( I’ve always wanted to do one of these hehe & sorry for any corniness)
First and foremost, you’ll be understanding. You’ll accept me for everything I am, my assets AND my flaws. You will try to relate to me and try to understand things from my point of view. I want us to be able to act stupid and childish around each other, but you’ll also know when it’s time to get serious. It’s nice to talk about superficial things such as clothes and cars, but we will also be able to have intellectual and deep conversations as well. I can be a complete douche to you, but you’ll know that I’m just tryna’ mess with you and that I really do love you. You will respect that I have dreams and that I have things I want to achieve in life, and you’ll be there for me and support me. But I don’t want a cheerleader. You need to live your own life too. You’ll be ambitious and accomplish your own dreams, and I’ll be there for you like you are for me. You’ll have good morals and be family oriented. You’ll know your right from your wrong. I don’t want you to agree with me if you know I’m doing something wrong. Just tell me! We’ll be able to be completely honest with each other and we’ll tell each other everything. Without a doubt, I’ll be able to trust you. I want us to encourage each other, encourage each other to be the best that we can be. You will love my family and my friends. You can chill with your boys, as long as you let me have time with my girls. You’ll have style and you’ll carry yourself well. I won’t need to do any babysitting because you’ll be responsible. Most importantly, you will have a strong relationship with God. If you don’t, then all of the things I previously stated don’t matter. I want us to go to church together and pray together, and I want us to encourage each other spiritually. I know you’re out there somewhere, and I may or may not meet you anytime soon. But I’ll be waiting patiently here for you. Love, Ederlyn
I just don’t understand how you can go from caring about me so much to seeing me as nothing so quickly. It sucks that all I want to do is talk to you, but you’ve already moved on. I gave you so much, but I guess it meant nothing to you. I just want you to hold me and tell me everything will be ok, but that’s not even an option anymore because you’re the reason I need to be comforted.
I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know what to feel.
dying of the heart, writing of the soul.: On Dating Good Guys
There seems to be this undercurrent of asshole-loving lately; my peers justifying their ill-advised decision to partner with people they believe can and will ‘change.’ I’m all about personal preference, but it seems that while the Nice Guy/Asshole debate rages on, no one has stood up for the Good Guys.
When I was younger (whatever age you are when people actually sign yearbooks), there was this one descriptor that people always included when signing my autograph book or what-have-you. ‘Sweet.’ “Stay sweet, Stephanie,” or “You’re such a sweet girl.” It’s funny; I don’t think anyone has called me ‘sweet’ since I was thirteen, probably – but at the time, it was a recurring theme. I was sweet.
I don’t believe I’m inherently ‘unsweetened’ now, but I’ve developed somewhat of an acerbic tinge. I won’t shy away from expressing my opinion (unless I’ve predetermined that my opponent will likely refer to out-of-context talking points that they picked up from Rush Limbaugh – in that case, I won’t waste my breath). I am a master of dirty looks, the silent treatment, and making apparent when someone’s actions are unacceptable. I can, at times, be a raging bitch.
These two polarizing aspects of my personality (along with many others) coexist peaceably. I try to be thoughtful, I do nice things for other people because I want to, I am genuine when expressing emotion (OMG I know, earnestness, gross!). But I also won’t take your crap, and if you give me enough of it, I will peace out of your life and I will not regret it. Count on that. I am capable of being a warm blanket of golden light, but I’m also capable of being a laser beam that will effing cut you. In other words, I am the nice guy. And I am the asshole. We all are, to some degree.
Which is why, when given the choice, I want to date a Good Guy. I want someone who is a real, flawed human being – someone who, despite those flaws, makes the conscious, ongoing effort to act benevolently toward the people around him. Because there is no such thing as An Asshole and A Nice Guy and if that’s all we can say about these people, what they really are is An Actor. A one-dimensional character whose actions are motivated by the desire to project a controlled, steadfast image to the world.
I do not want to fix someone. I’m too busy working on myself. I wouldn’t want to date someone who isn’t doing the same, who doesn’t see the value in growth. I’m not here to hold someone’s hand while they learn how to grow up. I’m not a pre-school teacher; I’m not a therapist. A man is not an art project to be cut up into little pieces and glued back together. You’re your own fixer-upper, honey; do with that what you will.
I want to be with someone who respects me, someone who I can respect. I do not want to tote around some unruly asshole, a discount handbag that looks impressive on the outside but is really falling apart at the seams. This would be a reflection of my own bad taste and insecurity, dating some mess of a person who doesn’t use the words, ‘Please’ and ‘Thank You,’ someone who has no consideration for other people. I don’t want to introduce that person to my friends, or to my family – who all happen to be Good People who have a low tolerance for assholes.
I don’t want to date someone indifferent to themselves or to me. Is it an oddity that I don’t want to be treated like crap? I do not have time to hopelessly await someone’s phone call; I do not have time to place heaps of unwarranted blame on myself when someone or something seemingly ‘disappears.’ I don’t have the time to jump through hoops to prove that I am worthy of someone’s affections, and even if I did have the time? That’s not how I would spend it.
No, I want a Good Guy – someone who is a good person before I date him, while I date him, and after I date him. Someone who is capable of letting go of whatever Grave Injustices were done to him, who doesn’t blame the world for his misfortunes. Someone who respects himself, who wants to be with someone who will treat him the way he deserves to be treated. Someone who is nice but not a doormat, someone who is confident but not an asshole. Someone who gets to date a Good Person by being one, not by appealing to a girl’s desire to ‘fix’ their self-perpetuated damage.
So, to the ladies who want assholes, keep them. I’ll take the sane, emotionally stable man any day.
(Source: crsk, via brendanguyen)
